J'ai besoin de aide!

I suffer from chronic dissatisfaction.
Yes, I knew what I wanted. Until it suddenly became what I didn't.

Who are you?

I still don't know what love is, and I'm sure, neither do you.
I was so close to it....I took the wrong turn and wound up somewhere far away with no inkling as to where to go.
I was so damn close I could inhale its sweetness as it clouded my mind...I could taste you.

And here I am, the faintest of its smells lingering as I try, in vain, lane after lane to that very spot. That spot where I was engulfed in you.
I know that you lost your way too, or journeyed ahead. I know that even if I find my way back, you will not be there. I will find another traveller, weary and aching, who trusted his senses. And I will look at him, and we will smile, and everything will be alright. Sugar will exude from my pores. My heart will be light and heavy at the same time. And I will link the taste to him, not you.

I am surprised. This time I thought I was right. I wandered the desert for days, no water, no life, just a memory of that place. And when I saw it, the relief I felt knew no bounds. I was water, I was life. I was the sun soaking up the desert sand in my warmth.

And then the mirage shattered.
I was shattered.

I saw him.
He wasn't wandering.
He was laughing. Laughing at me. Laughing at my tireless journey to there and away from you.
And I found myself smiling in spite of myself.
I forgot all, I forgot them. I forgot you. I forgot cold people knocking at my window.
He wasn't cold. He was warmer than the desert sun, and it enveloped me in a gust of hot dry wind that left my head spinning.

What was I doing here? I'm supposed to be walking. Searching.
He dispelled my mirage! Why did he?

I looked around and saw nothing but him.
I ignored him, and continued searching. My mirage was haunting me, even though I knew it wasn't real now.
Let go, he said. Come with me to the truth.
I ignored him.
I still am.
But his voice is getting steadily louder.