Husband

If I am a fish,
He is the ocean that breathes life into me.
The waves that push me forward
The tide that protects me.

He can sometimes be rough to others,
But to me he is always the same
Unchanging
Because I live too deep inside him
And he engulfs me forever.

Seule

Everyone comes to a point in their life when it's time to let go.

And although the thought of being alone scares you, the biggest burden leaves- taking with it your expectations, attachment, anger and pain.

As the fear settles down, it eventually ebbs away; just like the a puddle slowly makes its way into the drain once the rain stops.

Some things are so sad they're beautiful

Sadness is in itself very beautiful.

Grief, loneliness.. these are not

Atleast, not to me.

It's the quiet sadness that stirs me

Is happiness beautiful? I don't think so.

Course it feels good to be happy... but is that beautiful? Oh no.

Because only in pain 

You learn to accept.

Like getting into a bath tub

and feeling it envelop you

Just little ripples, like the water.

It gently flows over you.. not drown you

Cause you remember there is a bottom

A strong base that you just submit to

And rest upon, feeling at peace.

 

You detach now

You've become the observer

Like how you look at those painted toes

Put up carelessly on the rim

And forget....that they're yours.

Ver

I feel a worm wriggling in my head. Coiling and uncoiling at my slightest thought.
Sometimes I feel him plastered to the walls of my skull, begging me to stop.
He feeds on my thoughts. I watch in silent satisfaction as he consumes them. Memories, words, fleeting moments, empathy... he chews on them all.
All those that refused to fade, I know where to dispose of them now.

The back of my head must be pretty congested with all those stray feelings floating around.
Yes, I've locked him in there. And every now and then I stretch open one of the bars and push in some more junk.

Mercilessly feeding him more than he can swallow.

There are times when I feel guilty. He was just an innocent little worm, looking for food.

But the selfish human nature takes over me, and I utilize him.

I wonder why I do it though. The more I feed him the bigger he gets. The more he writhes in obese discomfort. And the more often he wakes me up. Especially when I'm in the middle of an intellectual stupor- a meaningless conversation or situation.
That's when I sit up real straight and try to push him back into his cell. Stop squirming, I order. And then I plead. I understand his frustrations....but he was supposed to deal with mine.
And there I am, my screams silenced by the hustle bustle of everyday life as I struggle to hold him down.
I manage to calm him as I pet his head with selfish concern. Don't fret, I say. I will release you soon.
But I know I won't. My only worry is if he will outgrow my head. My promises are a distant dream.

His prison is too dark for me to be appalled by his pathetic state.
So I just shrug like I always do and turn away.

Away from my own thoughts, emotions and pain.
Because I somehow made them his
And so now they don't concern me
Except when he wakes up.

Jardin

Life is a garden.

God's garden.

And all of us are just flowers.

Planted by him.

He lets us grow.

At our own paces.

And to our own extents.

He already knows what we will bloom into.

So except for occasional weeding,

And the daily watering,

He only sits back and watches.

As we grow, wither.. and fall.

But sometimes

He sees a flower so beautiful

Perfect, vibrant, and like no other flower he has ever grown before.

So lovely that even He gets tempted

And plucks the flower... when in full bloom.

He keeps it with him from then on

Like a proud child displaying a prize in his room

And we are left behind

Living in the fragrance

Of that beautiful flower

Of you.

Depeche

Life waits for noone.

Love waits for nobody either.

But they do not run hand in hand.

Life is love's treadmill, forever moving.

And love runs on life's course,

Faster, slower, steeper and lower.

Without the power to manually change the speed

Unknowing what comes next

A speed so fast that love does not have the time to slow down

And check

Check if there are stones that might hurt her

Or maybe a weed to trip on

Love waits for nobody

Because she already knows

She knows who she is running to

And life is just the path that she has to take

to fulfill her destiny

So when you're broken

Love lost

and bitter

Just remember this:

Do not run behind the guy who will not wait for you

Do not wait for the guy who refuses to catch up with you

Love is like a partner dance- you let go, move away and they come swiftly to you. Then they let go, and you gracefully pull them back.

This pattern keeps happening in turns, forever.

Mutual dependency

Never one sided

So

Be with the guy who slows down when he sees you lagging behind

The guy who you slow down for, when you don't see him

Running by your side

Because you realized....that you want him to

New Year

The last year had been pretty hard. Quite a roller coaster ride. Good things followed by sharp bad turns. Turns out that I was right all along- nothing is permanent, karma kicks your ass real hard and the only answer to this crazy cycle is to stop, breathe, take a step away, and watch it from stands.

What do I mean? Well- the sole way to be happy is to quit expecting things, quit getting attached and most importantly, quit being what people want you to be.

Bystanders are never left scathed by the fire of the track. It is the racers, hoping, dreaming and wishing who end up getting burnt by the heat of their desires. Oh, yes, and by that of the other racers as well. The faster you go, the harder you try, the closer you get to having your heart wrenched.

Loss is the one thing in the world that really cannot be compensated for.

Maybe it's time to let go.

This new year- I resolve to do just that.

Starting with the "easy" trivial things:

I resolve to eat healthier.

To exercise more.

To laugh harder.

And let no one claim me his own.

I resolve to be detached

Let nothing affect me- people, thing or circumstance.

To leave no word unsaid. To speak my mind, wear my heart on my sleeve.

I resolve to give in to pain.

To stop pretending that things are okay.

And let healing take its natural course.

I resolve to spend more time with my family.

Because they need me more than anyone else.

I resolve to change what I cannot accept and accept what I cannot change.

However, I also resolve not to forgive easily, and to always hold my own.

I resolve to feel better about myself.

Stop being so critical about how I look.

About how I feel.

And most of all, how others make me feel.

I resolve to discover the happiness in every moment.

A smile, the rain... or even just a nearby squirrel.

I resolve to stop and linger, instead of just passing the moment by.

It is the little things that truly make me happy.

I resolve to stop wanting, and watch things fall into place.

I resolve to stop searching and let my destiny find me.

A fly on the wall.

Just like you were.

So happy.

Liberation

I am a wild horse that needs to be tamed.

Tamed before I can be of any use... like a piece of red hot iron moulded in a cast- I might burn you otherwise.

After all, only a secured horse can run the race.

I've been tame for so long that I'd forgotten what it was like to gallop, without a care in my head. To stop only when I want to... and then, move on. On that journey to nowhere, that quest for nothing, just a blissful unknown ahead.

Wild animals don't think twice.

And now when the reins have been lifted from my previously bridled mane, I am too free... to be me.

Like an ecstatic canine whose leash has been let go of.. I am delirious.

Sometimes, when this rush of freedom gets too heady for me to contain, I find myself longing to be saddled again.

Tame, and safe.

A belonging again.