Learning new things every day

Today I learnt,

The older you turn, the less gaping age differences seem.

Closure is sometimes unnecessary.

When you tell someone repeatedly that something is pointless/impossible/stupid, you're actually hoping wildly that they'll point out why you're wrong.

Something is "wrong" only if it has consequences. Bad ones.

The truth does set you free.

Yes, everything dies a natural death. You cannot resurrect anything, but you can save a dying plant by cutting off the diseased leaves before it gets too late.

Reaffirming that Love is only acceptance. It can be devoid of passion, excitement and surprises but still very much be "love".

And the most important of them all- There are many ways to climb a mountain.

And I'm going back to continue climbing mine.

Au contraire?

One of those days.

Where everything seems to be going on fine.. everything in place. You're so sure about where you are, where you're heading, and who you're with.

And then BAM! Life throws this thing on the side of your path. You're walking, and you notice it, momentarily distracted. On closer look, it's a shiny stone that has potential for you to chisel into something beautiful.

What DO you choose to do then?

Do you stay back, certain you made the right decision?

Do you go ahead, not willing to waste time on something unsubstantial?

Or do you carry that heavy stone along to where you go? Burdened by its presence, yet unable to let go?

I have yet to decide.

Staying back is a terrible gamble. Going ahead leaves room for wishful thinking.

But carrying it along? That would only bring pain and regret.

Anyway.

I know I'm not a sculptor. I would never be able to chisel that stone into something extraordinary. But should I try?

Or should I just kick it away as I would any other rock that was in my way?

One thing I know, is that I will not carry it along.

Why? Because the person walking with me will be bogged down on our journey as I struggle with the load.

That makes me wonder now.

What if I was walking alone?

Would I stay back and experiment with each shiny stone I encounter?

Or would I just swing my arms, and skip into the unknown, paying no heed to what is around me?

I would prefer the second one.

To be free as a butterfly, flitting from flower to flower, with no fixed place to call my own.

To live as it comes, the wind in my face and my feet in the water.

Reading a book and scratching my cat behind her ears.

And watching you all, working so very hard.

To build castles, relationships and meaning

On something that doesn't even exist.

A life.

Mon amour

There is a difference between being in love and loving.

Tell me, how long can you actually “be” in something? Not long before you become claustrophobic and crave space.

But how long can you “feel” something? Forever.

I’m not in love with you. I love you.

Like two trees that go through all the seasons, summer spring winter and autumn. They grow together, blossom together. And after all the pretty flowers have fallen from their branches, they look at each other, bare and exposed and realize that they were two trees, but are now only one.

Sparks and thrills is relationships, they’re just a weak man’s invention to explain something he doesn’t fully understand.

Sparks and thrills are short lived, by definition itself.

It’s an illusion for lazy people who aren’t willing to look past the flowers into the strong trees that have borne them.

And I’ve been lazy all my life.

Not anymore though.

I realized. That there never was any spark. There was always a fire, raging and intense. And no fire can die an eventual death unless we put them out ourselves.

Sparks die a natural death, once their purpose is served. To ignite a fire, that consumes everything. Every inch of doubt, anger, guilt, hatred and pain. True, fires mellow down. But they always stoke right back up again.

And that fire is burning, overwhelming, again.

Mon reve

Life is just a transition from one phase to another. Some may be smooth, some not quite.

It is this transcend from birth to experience to experience to (experience)^n to death which constitutes life.

Who knows, even death might be a phase. But I'd rather not talk about death...it depresses me.

Anyway...LIFE.

Change is the only thing that is constant, as we all (wise people) know.

And I've always welcomed change with open arms.

I can't be with the same person, in the same place doing the same thing. Not only does it drive me crazy...it makes me supremely dissatisfied and triggers a series of thoughts questioning the meaning of my life, and how to rid it of this monotony.

Yes, even now I sometimes feel that way. But the frequency has decreased greatly. I guess that means I'm happy with you. :)

So, what was I talking about? Yes, changes.

The ones that annoy us, the ones that we're thrilled about. The ones that wrench your heartstrings and the ones that can help you breathe again. They're INEVITABLE. One thing I learnt from life is that the present is inevitable. If the present was to be another way, then it would be that way, and not this!

Life gives us exactly what we need, and not what we want. It's like sliding down a looooong water slide at the swimming pool. You can't see what's down, how deep the pool is, and if there is anyone who you might accidently land upon, but you trust enough to just close your eyes and let go.

Life's isn't about holding on, but letting go.

Like picking up a handful of sand at the beach, clasped tightly in your palm. The tighter your grip, the faster it trickles away. You just let it be, and it stays.

Live life by your own terms and the right things will come your way, is something a friend told me recently. What could make better sense than that?

So next time I have to choose between myself, and the greater good, it will be me.

Sacrificing or indulging, it will be me.

Moving on or cradling you, it will be me.

But sometimes I am only human too. Above that, I am a woman, sensitive, fiery and vulnerable. Hey! I said vulnerable, not weak.

When I remember your past eagerness and compare it your present complacence...it does hurt.

But I will hold my head up high... and remember. That I am me, and there will be no other me. There will be no other person living this very life again.

So I will swallow deeply, and exhale. I will smile, and abstain. And one fine day, when I am nearing my Utopia, I will spread my wings... and fly to it. Of course, you all exist. And I love you. But I matter the most.

Free from the bridles of society, civilization and insecurities. I will hold the reins.

And as I am sipping my iced tea, enjoying the view, my dog clambering onto my already cat-filled lap....I will look at you, toiling and shoving. In this world, where in the end, it all hardly matters.

Arretez!

I've been running all through my life. Running towards a goal, something that will supposedly add meaning and significance to my life. But as I reached it, I noticed that my goal transcended into something bigger. So, the journey wasn't over! Through these 3 years "THE GOAL" shifted from being Class rep, to Exec rep, to getting GP, to being nominated, to winning, to getting best outgoing of dept...and then? Best outgoing of college?

Ok so I'm college president. And I am mostly getting the GP this year. SO? So what? This time... I'm not going to run anymore. "Best Outgoing student" awards don't matter.

Why do we run so much? I remember reading in a Reader's Digest edition that when compared to running, jogging is much more effective.

So my message to you all today is- Stop running....start jogging!

Insane? No! Running only makes you exhausted... jogging keeps your energy until the end.

When we run we're so blind to the road. We might trip and fall, because we're not looking down. We're too fast, and the journey is just a blur to us. We don't see the other people in our way, we're oblivious to their presence because we're only looking at the finish line!

Life's not a race! Life's about the journey...not the destination.

So find your own pace, one that you're comfortable with. And start jogging. Smile at the people in your way, and enjoy every moment of your journey.

Cause it's worth it.

Life's too short to just walk slowly through....but it's also too beautiful to just run through!

An ode to someone wonderful

Dear God,

It's been a while hasn't it? Since I acknowledged that that voice in my head...was you.

You're always there. When I'm good, bad, happy, sad....now that's cliched.

Let me stray.

All those times I needed to get things done....you did them for me. Those OAT's we hadn't prepared for....you became my quick thinking.

Those people I had forgotten to inform about important things...you became their mild temper.

And those scheming conversations....my, you became my smooth words!

This entire year when I've been acting only for myself.....you kept me company.

Yes, no body is perfect and I stand testament to that. And you soiled yourself by merging into my unclean self....I love you for that. Nobody else would give up God status to become part human, lol.

Are you my soul then? The proof of non-duality? I hope not.

Because I want you to be me, mind, body and soul.

I know you share my pain. There, we're treading on the cliches again.

Let me start again.

Your presence has made me quite impervious to pain. Thank you.

Thank you for healing me in seconds. I know it mightn't have been quite easy for you to bend nature's process of emotions for me.

But then, maybe you aren't bending anything, are you.

You're just enhancing the wonderful cycle of Karma that I so strongly respect you for creating.

What better way to let us, humans, to be in charge of our own lives? You're truly wonderful.

Thank you for giving me anger and a sharp tongue when I find things I'm unable to express. You aren't a Goody-two-shoes, I have to give you that ;)

And thank you for letting me see, in my own way how everything turned out only the way I allowed it to turn out.

I trust you so much, and I know you will punish all those who have wronged me.

I feel sorry that they don't quite understand you like I do.

Whats the point of worshipping idols, symbols and reading "holy" passages? Performing sacred rites, cleansing our body and being abstinent?

You created me the way you wanted me to be, and you want me to be me and not something else.

For perfection you have yourself, and it must be tiring for you to see that all the time. You made me so that I can be your fun, your little video game where you can be imperfect and face some trials, atleast once in a while.

What is the point of religion, "good character", morals, societal norms, dress codes, fancy prayers and holy books, when I know that all I need is to feel your presence to know you exist.

No proof, no form, no body, no astounding feats, no face to relate you with, no name, no gender, no age and definitely no history, none whatsoever, to know that your greatest miracle is life in itself, the journey from you, and back to you, through you and with you...the greatest joy is to travel with you, from you, to you, and through you.... feel you throughout....within me.

I do not need a channel or a community to know you for who you are- a faceless, nameless beautiful wonderful thing that I cannot term a person, spirit or energy, because you are infinite and encompass all things definable.

Oh god, if I start talking about you, I will never stop, you know that.

All those little and big things that you've done, to reaffirm your presence in me makes me giggle. You truly are mischievous aren't you :) Just like Robin Hood got a thrill stealing from the rich to help the poor, you get a thrill stealing from life and giving unto me.

You don't make miracles. You are the miracle. And this whole universe, sitting within you, along with me, this ugly world and the rest of the idiots who ruin my day, is nothing compared to your immensity. You bring meaning to my everyday, because as each second passes, I know I am going closer to the purpose you have in mind for me, closer to the experiences you have in store for me. And I trust you. Completely.

Dear god,

Thank you for being with me.....and please do continue being by my side forever.

Mon dieu!

Somewhere in the midst of searching frantically

Welcoming people, then seeing them off....I forgot

Somewhere in the midst of sound checks, hanging banners

Surveying stalls and pacing around..... I forgot

Somewhere in the midst of following orders, then giving them

A million thoughts in my head and equally many people to thank.... I forgot

I forgot to thank you, my God.

For the wonderful day I had- only because of you.

And all these days I was proud of myself

But now I see

I'm only....proud of you.

For Dhwani 2009, and you.

Ce qui est cela?

We've forgotten

How to wait

After those packed schedules

How to miss

After those Skype conversations

How to savour

After those 2 minute noodles

How to laugh aloud

After those "LOL's"

How to express

After those animated smileys

How to think

After those "spell-check"s

How to tolerate

After those instant-relief pills

But most of all,

We've forgotten

How to love

In the midst of those stupid romantic forwards, kissing smileys, floating hearts on a computer screen, "luv u 4evr", web-cameras, customized hello tunes, unlimited SMSes and rate cutters,

We've forgotten

How to exchange a subtle look

or to feel your heart skip a beat

after the ring of a long awaited call

or even read something beautiful

and rememeber somebody

We've forgotten

The warmth of a smile

The softness of a touch

How to hold someone

and speak of love

.

.

.

without a sound.